There are several goals that I've accomplished upon completing my Freshman year in high school. One of those things was deciding who I was. I had to decide who I wanted to be going forward; would I be one who wallowed in the past or would I be one who looks toward the future? Would I be one to give up when times get hard or would be I one who perseveres through hardships no matter how bad it got? These were not easy questions to answer, and many times I got close to never answering those questions.
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First-Semester |
Second- Semester |
In the beginning of the school year, I came in close-minded and determined that my ninth grade year would be uneventful. I had decided before the year even started that I wouldn't enjoy Arabia Mountain because I'd be separated from my best friends (whom at the time attended Towers High School). I judged the school based on the rumors I'd heard and the countless videos I watched on YouTube while researching AMHS. I thought that this would be no place for me. I was already disappointed in transferring schools yet again..because Arabia Mountain High would be the 8th school I've attended.
Fast forward into first few months of school, I had established a rather small circle of friends but they ended up being the ones I hung out with all year(Shout-out to 2nd and 7th period friends{You know who you are!}) Around mid first-semester, this was one of my hardest times this year. Earlier in 2018, I had successfully recovered from abuse of (non-addictive) drugs but had started again due to the stress and pressure I was receiving at home. I also had some problems I was dealing with internally at the time, so my mental health was not where it was supposed to be. I found myself often crying at home and having increased anxiety attacks whenever something would come up that stressed me out too quickly. I felt alone in my struggle for survival and it didn't seem like many people were on my side(at least that's how I felt at the time). My friend Jerry, who's graduating this year, really helped me recover and be a happier person than who I was beforehand. However, even his help alone wasn't enough and I was still selfishly attempting to harm and/or kill myself. Every time I had brought up my mental health issue, somehow it would be turned back on me so I gave up trying to get help. I decided that if I was going to change, it would be me who would take the first step forward...and that meant addressing my own internal problems and coming to terms with them. Now, at the end of the first semester, I still hadn't recovered my mental health, but my social health was improving. My friends helped out when it came to maintaining my sanity and keeping me smiling every day and to them I will always be thankful for that. |
Now in the second-semester, this is when I began changing. I came into 2019 with a strong resolve; ready to take on the problems of the future. I thought I was ready; but clearly that wasn't the case. My resolve started to leave me after January and I just couldn't find the motivation to continue dealing with life or school. My grades had dropped significantly and I was starting to pass by the skin of my teeth. I was purposely neglecting school work and homework because I started not caring about the consequences. Since now I was 16, I seriously considered dropping out of school several times within a few months. It was difficult having the power to fix a problem, but ignoring it for long-term results. I was depressed and gave up on fixing the problem. I was sick of anything and anyone who caught an attitude with me or tried to say anything to help. It felt fake to me since no one was really there when it really mattered. My sister was there sometimes, but even she would leave home to escape her own problems with her friends, leaving me to deal with myself.
Finally, around the end of March, I decided to step out of this overwhelming stage of depression and start repairing my grades. From there, I learned about how the true meaning of procrastination and how its a habit that I have to break really soon. I started working a little bit harder and now I've repaired my grades the best I can this late in the year. It was a journey to get through this year. I had a little bit of fun and learned to be a bit more open. I accomplished these five things: 1. Somewhat breaking the habit of procrastination 2. Do my homework on time 3. Realizing people come from the same or worse backgrounds 4. Opening up my mind to different opinions and views 5. Learned to make the most of the given situation. |
I'd like to thank the people above for making my year a memorable one on a different level. They have kept a smile on my face all year even during the bad times and for that I will always be thankful. Thank you!!
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